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The parties will attend Kermit and Miss Piggy’s Fourth of July Barbecue on alternate years.īoth parties promise to treat each other with courtesy and respect, and, despite any relationship troubles they may have experienced there, to continue to tell others how to get to Sesame Street. Sales of Muppet sex tapes to tabloids are strictly forbidden. (Except for “Fifty Shades of Felt,” which goes to Ernie’s mom.) Song royalties, as well as the extensive collection of Muppet Porn, will be divided equally. Ernie will no longer be responsible for debts incurred by Bert in his pursuit of the perfect paperclip for his collection. Custody of the numbers 2, 3, 7 and 9 go to Ernie.Įrnie will refrain from mentioning Bert’s therapy for OCD in connection with his out-of-control paperclip and bottle cap collecting, as well as his obsession with the letter W. All horizontally striped shirts go to Ernie.īert promises not to mention Ernie’s illegitimate child Elmo during interviews on “The View.” Ernie will not interfere should Bert desire to join the cast of “The Real Househusbands of Sesame Street.”Ĭustody of the letters A, Q, H and W go to Bert. The rubber ducky will go with Ernie on Thanksgiving and Christmas, and with Bert on Hanukah and Kwanzaa.īert gets to keep the diamond-encrusted unibrow waxing kit given to him by Ernie as an engagement gift.Īll vertically striped shirts acquired during the course of the marriage go to Bert. The parties will share joint custody of the rubber ducky. Bert gets the condo on Avenue Q.īert gets the Streisand albums. We’ve learned that, should the couple ever break up:Įrnie will stay in the marital domicile on Sesame Street. It's a mark of genius, really.Now that President Obama has endorsed gay marriage, it will soon become legal everywhere in America, including, of course, Sesame Street, which means Bert and Ernie can finally tie the knot! Their just-signed prenup was leaked to us by a Muppet whose identity we’ve promised not to reveal, in return for a batch of warm chocolate chip cookies. In particular, it's the beauty of Bert and Ernie as characters: They can be gay if you want them to be, they can be straight, they can be best friends, they can be brothers, they can be anything and everything the viewer wants or needs to project onto them, and yet keep their particular character.
I grew up watching it, like so many other people, and although it's not as if I still occasionally dip in on a regular basis - I just can't deal with Elmo's World, I'm sorry - I still have a remarkable amount of respect and affection for the show and its characters because they were so well drawn, and yet so vague that you could project whatever you needed to onto them. I'm a fan of Sesame Street, even now, three decades past the intended age of its viewership.
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There are countless problems with this, not least of which that this idea needed more than one petition, but the one that actually bothers me is: Why do fans always seem to feel that ambiguity should always be replaced with some particular definition of certainty? The announcement was made in response to a number of online fan petitions demanding that Bert and Ernie be allowed to marry.